Dear Sunny,
This weekend was so hectic. And frustrating. And it's not even over. And it's only the second week of college.
I think it started with Thursday night. Akka, ever since she started travelling by bus, thinks that she's only person who works, who travels that far because she comes home late in the night, all tired and exhausted, as if she's done some manual labor. She sits in an A/c room, for goodness's sake! And she can't even try to understand what I'm doing or what I'm undergoing. I know how much pain I go through when I have to stand for half an hour ONLY, with a bag that's half my weight. And walk 3/4th of a Kilometer with that bag. And climb three floors and run across buildings with that same bag. Oh, and standing in the bus stop for, like, I dunno, an hour or so. Of course she overlooks all this because I'm not working. I'm only studying. Which is pretty easy, isn't it? I'm not helping anyone.
Apparently, on Thursday morning, she'd fallen in the bus and a few people fell on top of her when the driver braked hard. And that got her lactic acid pain. Gosh. She makes her stories so colorful. I feel like my going to college, or whatever it is that I'm doing is not worth anyone's time. Or I'm not worth their time. I think, this is the first time I'm accepting that I'm feeling this way.
And, I have no grudge or anger or whatsoever against Akka. Not because she buys me stuff, but because she loves me too much. And thinks I'm all right all the time.
So, Thursday night, I told her my shoulders were aching, also my hand, but I didn't tell her. And she said, "I'm the one who fell in the bus, what happened to you?"
I tried to explain to her that the bus journey isn't what killed me and that I do five times the physical work that she does, but then soon lost interest in whatever I was saying.
Just let that sink in.
Then, Friday morning, I felt terrible. I felt like a dementor was hovering around me, about to kiss me any moment. I felt like that till I saw a good friend and hugged her. That's another story.
But a strange thing happened on the bus. My hand was aching too bad. I just had a very scary thought (Like my mother does sometimes) that what if I had to stop using my left hand and get an artificial one for my right? That's it. My life would be over. (Okay, so I know I'm being a little melodramatic here, but come on, I was going through a phase.) And I teared up a little. I know I'm being silly but there's no guarantee for an otherwise. One day, I've worked my hands so much that I will have to get that done. I'm scared. I'm scared of how that will affect me, scared of how that will affect my mental status. I'm not that stable as it is.
I'm terrified. And no one's there to tell me otherwise.
Saturday. I was feeling a whole lot better on Saturday, as I dressed up to go to college. Then, I got a bus very early and direct to college. Classes were good.
But, a Saturday is meant for BMTC disasters. As you know, Saturday afternoons have very few buses coming in and travelling on the road. So, I waited for more than half and hour for a bus with Prince, and yes! You guessed it right, with my bag. And, we got a bus in 4th Block pretty easily, and by then, I was half dead with hunger. I had eaten a third of a sandwich and two hash Browns. Yup. Like that'll help. And, even though I left at like 1:15 or something, I reached home a little after 3:15 in the afternoon.
Akka and Ma had gone shopping and as soon as I burst in, akka was all "Go to the room! I've bought you some stuff!"
I was happy, and I nearly cried when she also hadn't had lunch and also waited at the door for me to come home, I'd appreciate all that and more if she'd only not crowded over me like that. I wanted to slap her. Really.
Some weekend, huh?
There's one bright news, though! I became a class rep! It was unanimous. And fun not to vote for that stupid Aishwarya. (I don't care if I'm mean.)
Thanks for listening. Like always.
Love,
Pari
P.S. Kind of long, but I think there's still a lot more I have left to tell you.
This weekend was so hectic. And frustrating. And it's not even over. And it's only the second week of college.
I think it started with Thursday night. Akka, ever since she started travelling by bus, thinks that she's only person who works, who travels that far because she comes home late in the night, all tired and exhausted, as if she's done some manual labor. She sits in an A/c room, for goodness's sake! And she can't even try to understand what I'm doing or what I'm undergoing. I know how much pain I go through when I have to stand for half an hour ONLY, with a bag that's half my weight. And walk 3/4th of a Kilometer with that bag. And climb three floors and run across buildings with that same bag. Oh, and standing in the bus stop for, like, I dunno, an hour or so. Of course she overlooks all this because I'm not working. I'm only studying. Which is pretty easy, isn't it? I'm not helping anyone.
Apparently, on Thursday morning, she'd fallen in the bus and a few people fell on top of her when the driver braked hard. And that got her lactic acid pain. Gosh. She makes her stories so colorful. I feel like my going to college, or whatever it is that I'm doing is not worth anyone's time. Or I'm not worth their time. I think, this is the first time I'm accepting that I'm feeling this way.
And, I have no grudge or anger or whatsoever against Akka. Not because she buys me stuff, but because she loves me too much. And thinks I'm all right all the time.
So, Thursday night, I told her my shoulders were aching, also my hand, but I didn't tell her. And she said, "I'm the one who fell in the bus, what happened to you?"
I tried to explain to her that the bus journey isn't what killed me and that I do five times the physical work that she does, but then soon lost interest in whatever I was saying.
Just let that sink in.
Then, Friday morning, I felt terrible. I felt like a dementor was hovering around me, about to kiss me any moment. I felt like that till I saw a good friend and hugged her. That's another story.
But a strange thing happened on the bus. My hand was aching too bad. I just had a very scary thought (Like my mother does sometimes) that what if I had to stop using my left hand and get an artificial one for my right? That's it. My life would be over. (Okay, so I know I'm being a little melodramatic here, but come on, I was going through a phase.) And I teared up a little. I know I'm being silly but there's no guarantee for an otherwise. One day, I've worked my hands so much that I will have to get that done. I'm scared. I'm scared of how that will affect me, scared of how that will affect my mental status. I'm not that stable as it is.
I'm terrified. And no one's there to tell me otherwise.
Saturday. I was feeling a whole lot better on Saturday, as I dressed up to go to college. Then, I got a bus very early and direct to college. Classes were good.
But, a Saturday is meant for BMTC disasters. As you know, Saturday afternoons have very few buses coming in and travelling on the road. So, I waited for more than half and hour for a bus with Prince, and yes! You guessed it right, with my bag. And, we got a bus in 4th Block pretty easily, and by then, I was half dead with hunger. I had eaten a third of a sandwich and two hash Browns. Yup. Like that'll help. And, even though I left at like 1:15 or something, I reached home a little after 3:15 in the afternoon.
Akka and Ma had gone shopping and as soon as I burst in, akka was all "Go to the room! I've bought you some stuff!"
I was happy, and I nearly cried when she also hadn't had lunch and also waited at the door for me to come home, I'd appreciate all that and more if she'd only not crowded over me like that. I wanted to slap her. Really.
Some weekend, huh?
There's one bright news, though! I became a class rep! It was unanimous. And fun not to vote for that stupid Aishwarya. (I don't care if I'm mean.)
Thanks for listening. Like always.
Love,
Pari
P.S. Kind of long, but I think there's still a lot more I have left to tell you.
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